Round Table Weekly

Kalah · Unread postby **Kalah** » 29 May 2006, 00:43

Well, it's Monday. Kind of...

Studio Commentary: "Today we have another special guest from the world of Heroes Five. The Paladin."
Anchor: "...is that it?"
Studio Commentary: "It's an introduction, what do you mean? You told me to make a..."
Anchor: "Yeah, I meant a proper one! You know, like the ones you gave when we first started out. Sometimes I get the feeling that your heart isn't in this any more."
Studio Commentary: "What do you want me to say?"
Anchor: "Well, I don't know – something a bit more imaginative?"
Studio Commentary: "A guy on a horse in a funny dress is entering our studio, we're having the time of our lives trying to increase the height of the microphone so we can hear what the guy is saying, you beat me out of fifty-eight bucks on the poker game last night, my new copy of Heroes Five got nicked, and on top of it all you think I should be more imaginative. Thank you for your encouraging words."
Anchor: "Say something funny, then – it doesn't have to be any good, just give us a laugh."
Studio Commentary: "All right, how about this: He rides through the enemy ranks like a whirlwind, and then he shoves a gigantic may pole up their backsides whilst singing 'I'm so happy to be gay'. Please welcome the coolest looking horseman since the world's tallest man got on a Shetland's pony and said: "Yippee-kya-yeey." How's that?"
Anchor: "I'm lost for words. Now, Mr. Paladin – welcome to the studio."
Paladin: "Thank you."
Anchor: "Did you have to bring the horse?"
Paladin: "We are one. Where I go my steed goes."
Anchor: "Yeah, but we do have quite decent facilities for horses downstairs, you know – whirlpool and mare masseuses, everything a steed could want."
Paladin: "Sounds good, but the fact is, I'm glued to the saddle."
Anchor: "So that's why you look so silly when you die."
Paladin: "Yep. We flatten out as if rigor mortis sets in immediately after death, when in fact it doesn't usually set in for..."
Anchor: "Yeah, I don't care. By the way, what happened to your uh... stick there?"
Paladin: "You mean my lance? This lance that I had hand crafted from a special wood so as to make it strong enough not to break, yet light enough to wield with ease? This lance that I had a Master Painter paint with his Warding Paintbrush – a job that took fifteen days and two thousand gold pieces to complete? This lance that I had an Inquisitor bless so as to make it stand up to the punishment of being thrust through the hellfire that is the bodies of my archenemies the Devils and their demon flock? Are you talking about this lance?"
Anchor: "Yeah, what happened to it?"
Paladin: "I broke it, otherwise I'd be ramming it up your..."
Anchor: "How'd that happen? I thought you just said it was hardened and wouldn't break?"
Paladin: "Yeah, but there's a limit to everything, you know – and in my defence, I gotta say: those annual pole vault contests are rigged!"
Anchor: "You didn't win?"
Paladin: "Have you ever tried going over 5.2 whilst still on the horse? I mean, a teeny tiny handicap – is that too much to ask?"
Anchor: "Let's take a few calls, shall we? Who do we have on the line?"
Caller: "Yeah, this is... uh... Dlav. Yeah, from uh... Ainamor. I was just wondering if the Paladin knew anything about those rumours of a Brokeback Mountain sequel?"
Paladin: "Well, yes I do – I happened to speak with the producers last night. I'm sorry I can't tell you any more, they don't want me to reveal my appearance in the sequel and my following affair with Heath Ledger's new boyfriend which leads to a suicide of a certain person who shall remain nameless and is played by someone they called Jake on the set. Sorry, but it's top secret for now."
Anchor: "Well we understand, of course. Now, let's skip the rest of the calls in exchange for something completely different; can you tell us anything about the horse's role in combat? Is it just a tool – a machine under your control and a way for you to... well as you said, gain enough speed to ram that lance thingy up the *ahem* or is it more than that? You said you were some kind of team?"
Paladin: "We are one – the cooperation between rider and horse in the midst of combat is vital to our survival and to the outcome of the battle. Even more importantly, we get to the TV remote before anybody else; he runs, I grab. It's a team thing."
Anchor: "What flavour toothpaste does the horse use?"
Paladin: "Pizza."
Anchor: "Excuse me, did you just say pizza?"
Paladin: "Anything is better than hay-breath. Even dragons shun that one, m'kay?"
Anchor: "You fight dragons?"
Paladin: "When we get the chance. We usually try to let the hunters and druids pick those out of the sky before they come close enough to breathe on, though."
Anchor: "Now, about them griffins you usually travel around with..."
Paladin: "Yeeees...?"
Anchor: "Well, we've heard that they can be a quite unrestrained at times – party animals, so to speak. I was wondering if you could comment on that story going around about horseshoe tossing?"
Paladin: "Yes, I would like to say to all who are watching that nothing happened, believe me. The horses did not have horseshoecastial relations with those griffins – the imperials. I know it for sure. I was there."
Anchor: "Well, that's that out of the way then. How about some tea?"
Paladin: "Yes. Immediately."

Milla aka. the Slayer · Unread postby **Milla aka. the Slayer** » 29 May 2006, 07:11

Kalah wrote: Anchor: "Did you have to bring the horse?"
Paladin: "We are one. Where I go my steed goes."
Anchor: "Yeah, but we do have quite decent facilities for horses downstairs, you know – whirlpool and mare masseuses, everything a steed could want."
Paladin: "Sounds good, but the fact is, I'm glued to the saddle."
Anchor: "So that's why you look so silly when you die."

Ahh, that was lovely, I needed a great laugh..
also it's funny cause it's true

Orfinn · Unread postby **Orfinn** » 29 May 2006, 09:58

Hilarious as always

DaemianLucifer · Unread postby **DaemianLucifer** » 29 May 2006, 11:12

Kalah wrote:A guy on a horse in a funny dress is entering our studio, we're having the time of our lives trying to increase the height of the microphone so we can hear what the guy is saying,

Kalah wrote: Caller: "Yeah, this is... uh... Dlav. Yeah, from uh... Ainamor. I was just wondering if the Paladin knew anything about those rumours of a Brokeback Mountain sequel?"

Kalah wrote: Paladin: "Yes, I would like to say to all who are watching that nothing happened, believe me. The horses did not have horseshoecastial relations with those griffins – the imperials. I know it for sure. I was there."

You really outdo yourself sometimes!

theLuckyDragon · Unread postby **theLuckyDragon** » 29 May 2006, 16:18

What they said.

Oh, and who's that guy Dlav from Ainamor, I wonder?...

Milla aka. the Slayer · Unread postby **Milla aka. the Slayer** » 29 May 2006, 16:20

Yeah, me too? Is it some joke we don't get?!

Kalah · Unread postby **Kalah** » 29 May 2006, 16:23

Look at the name and think for a minute. I'm sure you'll get it...

theLuckyDragon · Unread postby **theLuckyDragon** » 29 May 2006, 16:25

Oh, I certainly got it...

Milla aka. the Slayer · Unread postby **Milla aka. the Slayer** » 29 May 2006, 16:29

I sure haven't got it yet. Only thing I can think of is Vlad from the forum..but the last part I don't get. I must be tired

Please tell me

Gaidal Cain · Unread postby **Gaidal Cain** » 29 May 2006, 16:31

Try the simplest form of an anagram...

Milla aka. the Slayer · Unread postby **Milla aka. the Slayer** » 29 May 2006, 16:34

Ohhhhh...Vlad from Romania...nice. Anagram freaks

theLuckyDragon · Unread postby **theLuckyDragon** » 29 May 2006, 16:41

Well, I must admit I am a vampire...

You want to see fast? Look at the Foreign Language thread! Or better yet: RotC!

Milla aka. the Slayer · Unread postby **Milla aka. the Slayer** » 29 May 2006, 16:41

@TT: It could be an option..
I had a friend who had never heard that vampires supposedly come from Romania

On the other hand the same (girl)friend had never heard of Harry Houdini so she might just be generally ignorant

Milla aka. the Slayer · Unread postby **Milla aka. the Slayer** » 29 May 2006, 16:48

theLuckyDragon wrote:You want to see fast? Look at the Foreign Language thread! Or better yet: RotC!

Well, you guys used to posts like crazy in the foreign language thread

Then Paulus and I decided that your reign of terror had to end and then we took over

But what is RotC?

Vlad976 · Unread postby **Vlad976** » 29 May 2006, 16:51

RotC stands for Rage of the Carrots. The largest pile of spam ever collected in one topic.

theLuckyDragon · Unread postby **theLuckyDragon** » 29 May 2006, 16:54

That friend of your didn't lose much... Vampires are in the folklore of lots of cultures. It's that Bram Stoker person who made Transylvania (btw, I actually live in Transylvania) the home of the "Count". Now we're famous because of it, but it also has it's downsides around here.

Milla aka. the Slayer · Unread postby **Milla aka. the Slayer** » 29 May 2006, 17:10

Vlad976 wrote:RotC stands for Rage of the Carrots. The largest pile of spam ever collected in one topic.

Wow, this is great fun to read. No wonder TT and DL got their post counts so high so fast!

@tLD: She propably didn't, I just wondered why she had never heard of it. It really is the strangest things she doesn't know

What exactly are the downsides??

@DL: didn't we agree to not say those things that you just said in your tiny writing

They'll hear us...

DaemianLucifer · Unread postby **DaemianLucifer** » 29 May 2006, 17:15

Milla aka. the Slayer wrote:Wow, this is great fun to read. No wonder TT and DL got their post counts so high so fast!

Bah!I just had maybe 200 posts in there.Thats nothing when compared to what I have now

ThunderTitan · Unread postby **ThunderTitan** » 29 May 2006, 17:15

Milla aka. the Slayer wrote:@TT: It could be an option..
I had a friend who had never heard that vampires supposedly come from Romania

Sorry, but the only vampire legends around here are about pumpkins. Or where those watermelons?

And Dracula ruled Wallachia, not Transylvania anyway. And Transylvania was under Hungary at the time, so not Romania. And vampires are a slavic myth, and it's a latin country.

And RotC only got me to 500+ posts. The rest is all me, all the time. I need a more interesting life...

theLuckyDragon · Unread postby **theLuckyDragon** » 29 May 2006, 17:18

@Milla
The anwer is in this thread. Or at least will be when I finish typing.

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