Round Table Weekly
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DaemianLucifer
- Round Table Hero
- Posts: 11282
- Joined: 06 Jan 2006
- Location: City 17
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HodgePodge
- Round Table Knight
- Posts: 3530
- Joined: 06 Jan 2006
Studio Commentary: "For this, our very special Christmas edition, we have brought in a very special guest, an employee from the makers of Heroes 5, Naïval."
Raphael: "Níval, actually."
Anchor: "Hey, with the spelling skills you guys have displayed thus far, you have no rights to object. Who are you again?"
Raphael: "Doesn't matter, obviously."
Anchor: "Nope. I'll call you Raffy."
Raphael: "OK. Before I continue, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you for an excellent show – we watch it all the time."
Anchor: "Uh-huh."
Raphael: "... and I've brought a little something with me, something the Nival staff made specially for you."
Anchor: "You mean a gift? I like gifts. What is it?"
Raphael: "Here you go."
Anchor: "Hm, exciting... uh... it's... well, the wrapping was quite nice, but there's nothing in this box – did somebody forget to put the present in, or something?"
Raphael: "Isn't it great?"
Anchor: "... what?"
Raphael: "Just look at it!"
Anchor: "The... box?"
Raphael: "Yeah! Can't you see? It's 3D, man!"
Anchor: "The gift is... a box?"
Raphael: "In 3D! Imagine if it wasn't. Isn't it a great thing?"
Anchor: "It's... a box."
Raphael: "It's 3D!"
Anchor: "How can you have a box that is not in 3D? I mean, the very definition of a box is..."
Raphael: "But what if you just got a piece of paper with a box drawn on it!"
Anchor: "Then I could at least use it for toilet paper. This reminds me – I was going to skip the hard questions today."
Raphael: "And now?"
Anchor: "No. Tell me, Raffy, – what's so great about Heroes 5?"
Raphael: "Well, we made it, for one thing."
Anchor: "Right. Anything else?"
Raphael: "Yes, as you know, it carries with it the legacy of the famous Heroes series, while at the same time bringing in a new dimension of gameplay with the extensive multiplayer feature..."
Anchor: "Which doesn't work."
Raphael: "It does now."
Anchor: "A'ight."
Raphael: "And then there's the raisin in the sausage; the game is made in full 3D, contrary to what has been done before – only 3D simulations which were only 2D in reality."
Anchor: "And now we are returning to something completely the same – what's so great about 3D, anyway?"
Raphael: "Well, it's 3D."
Anchor: "Yes, I see. But what's so great about it?"
Raphael: "... I'm not sure I follow."
Anchor: "Well, what was wrong with the games made before?"
Raphael: "Oh, nothing, it's just that the new game was made in 3D, which is better."
Anchor: "How?"
Raphael: "It allows for an increased realism. When you fight the beasts, it's like you're actually standing on the sidelines, commanding your army."
Anchor: "But doesn't this presuppose that the illusion is somewhat... realistic?"
Raphael: "Y...e...e...s...?"
Anchor: "Can you honestly say that this horse looks real?"
Raphael: "I think so."
Anchor: "What kind of horses do you have in Russa, anyway? I mean, the quality of the graphics is what you claim to be the very icing of the cake; the best thing about the new game and the thing that takes the series in a whole new direction. Can you honestly sit there and call this good!? I mean, look at it!"
Raphael: "What's wrong with it?"
Anchor: "For one thing, the horse looks like it's put together with Lego. Then there's the appalling in-game video sequences – man, this is 20th century stuff!"
Raphael: "I think it's quite good."
Anchor: "All right, come over here, let me show you something. This... is Isabel, from your game. OK? Now have a look at a female character from Final Fantasy X-2, released several years ago, back in 2003."
Raphael: "WAGGA-WAGGA!!"
Anchor: "That was my reaction also. Here we have an example of excellent graphics. This Yuna female in particular is the kind of girl you get a hard-on from just by glancing casually in her general direction. Why is it that you couldn't make graphics of this quality for Heroes 5?"
Raphael: "But FF X-2 is for Playstation."
Anchor: "Are you saying that if you had made Heroes 5 for PS2 the quality would have been like this? I would have gotten a hard-on from looking at Isabel?"
Raphael: "Well..."
Anchor: "And the video card you need in your PC to run this game of yours will cost more than a PS2 anyway. I have never in all my years of gaming seen a game with such outrageous cost/benefit ratio graphics wise. Tell me, honestly, does this game have any redeeming features at all?"
Raphael: "Well, like I said, it's 3D, and..."
Anchor: "To Hell with the 3D!!"
Raphael: "You mean, use it only for the Inferno town? That would never work."
Anchor: "I mean, what good is 3D if all it does is force you to swivel that freakin' camera around continuously just to make sure that glimmer underneath the tree is a gem casket and not just a reflection? What made you feel the fans so desperately wanted another set of controls to manage?"
Raphael: "I think..."
Anchor: "No, you don't. The 3D is superfluous, and the only thing that matters is if the game plays well."
Raphael: "But... it does, doesn't it?"
Anchor: "Er... yes, I suppose."
Raphael: "So... it's ok?"
Anchor: "I guess, but back on track... to the patches. They're huge. I mean, mindbogglingly huge. The sheer size of the patches – I mean, if you've downloaded them all you might as well have downloaded the whole game. And you have to have them all; the earlier versions of the game are just crappy. Yet you release it anyway and fix the problems later."
Raphael: "But it's like that in modern gaming industry."
Anchor: "Right, I just wanted to find something more to criticize you for."
Raphael: "Ah. How about the release party?"
Anchor: "Were you there?"
Raphael: "No, my mum wouldn't let me go."
Anchor: "Because she heard there would be strippers dressed up as succubi?"
Raphael: "No, 'cause I had to clean my room."
Anchor: "...riiiight... tell me, how much would one of those live succubus mistresses set me back?"
Raphael: "Let's just say there's a reason the game wasn't finished on budget."
Anchor: "And I assume also the reason why you couldn't get me a proper present."
Raphael: "... so you didn't like our box?"
Anchor: "Why, oh why, is it that when people bring me stuff they can never bring me some chocolate? Or cash! I'd take cash! Hell, I'd even take caviar – you guys are freakin' Russian!"
Raphael: "I think I have some old rubles here somewhere..."
Anchor: "Get that thing away from me! I'm a member of the independent institution that is the Press! I cannot be bribed! I am objective! I am untouchable! I am... actually very hungry. How 'bout some grub?"
Raphael: "I think our mess is still open. We have lobster."
Anchor: "Excellent."
Studio Commentary: "That's it, boys 'n girls! Happy New Year!"
Raphael: "Níval, actually."
Anchor: "Hey, with the spelling skills you guys have displayed thus far, you have no rights to object. Who are you again?"
Raphael: "Doesn't matter, obviously."
Anchor: "Nope. I'll call you Raffy."
Raphael: "OK. Before I continue, I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you for an excellent show – we watch it all the time."
Anchor: "Uh-huh."
Raphael: "... and I've brought a little something with me, something the Nival staff made specially for you."
Anchor: "You mean a gift? I like gifts. What is it?"
Raphael: "Here you go."
Anchor: "Hm, exciting... uh... it's... well, the wrapping was quite nice, but there's nothing in this box – did somebody forget to put the present in, or something?"
Raphael: "Isn't it great?"
Anchor: "... what?"
Raphael: "Just look at it!"
Anchor: "The... box?"
Raphael: "Yeah! Can't you see? It's 3D, man!"
Anchor: "The gift is... a box?"
Raphael: "In 3D! Imagine if it wasn't. Isn't it a great thing?"
Anchor: "It's... a box."
Raphael: "It's 3D!"
Anchor: "How can you have a box that is not in 3D? I mean, the very definition of a box is..."
Raphael: "But what if you just got a piece of paper with a box drawn on it!"
Anchor: "Then I could at least use it for toilet paper. This reminds me – I was going to skip the hard questions today."
Raphael: "And now?"
Anchor: "No. Tell me, Raffy, – what's so great about Heroes 5?"
Raphael: "Well, we made it, for one thing."
Anchor: "Right. Anything else?"
Raphael: "Yes, as you know, it carries with it the legacy of the famous Heroes series, while at the same time bringing in a new dimension of gameplay with the extensive multiplayer feature..."
Anchor: "Which doesn't work."
Raphael: "It does now."
Anchor: "A'ight."
Raphael: "And then there's the raisin in the sausage; the game is made in full 3D, contrary to what has been done before – only 3D simulations which were only 2D in reality."
Anchor: "And now we are returning to something completely the same – what's so great about 3D, anyway?"
Raphael: "Well, it's 3D."
Anchor: "Yes, I see. But what's so great about it?"
Raphael: "... I'm not sure I follow."
Anchor: "Well, what was wrong with the games made before?"
Raphael: "Oh, nothing, it's just that the new game was made in 3D, which is better."
Anchor: "How?"
Raphael: "It allows for an increased realism. When you fight the beasts, it's like you're actually standing on the sidelines, commanding your army."
Anchor: "But doesn't this presuppose that the illusion is somewhat... realistic?"
Raphael: "Y...e...e...s...?"
Anchor: "Can you honestly say that this horse looks real?"
Raphael: "I think so."
Anchor: "What kind of horses do you have in Russa, anyway? I mean, the quality of the graphics is what you claim to be the very icing of the cake; the best thing about the new game and the thing that takes the series in a whole new direction. Can you honestly sit there and call this good!? I mean, look at it!"
Raphael: "What's wrong with it?"
Anchor: "For one thing, the horse looks like it's put together with Lego. Then there's the appalling in-game video sequences – man, this is 20th century stuff!"
Raphael: "I think it's quite good."
Anchor: "All right, come over here, let me show you something. This... is Isabel, from your game. OK? Now have a look at a female character from Final Fantasy X-2, released several years ago, back in 2003."
Raphael: "WAGGA-WAGGA!!"
Anchor: "That was my reaction also. Here we have an example of excellent graphics. This Yuna female in particular is the kind of girl you get a hard-on from just by glancing casually in her general direction. Why is it that you couldn't make graphics of this quality for Heroes 5?"
Raphael: "But FF X-2 is for Playstation."
Anchor: "Are you saying that if you had made Heroes 5 for PS2 the quality would have been like this? I would have gotten a hard-on from looking at Isabel?"
Raphael: "Well..."
Anchor: "And the video card you need in your PC to run this game of yours will cost more than a PS2 anyway. I have never in all my years of gaming seen a game with such outrageous cost/benefit ratio graphics wise. Tell me, honestly, does this game have any redeeming features at all?"
Raphael: "Well, like I said, it's 3D, and..."
Anchor: "To Hell with the 3D!!"
Raphael: "You mean, use it only for the Inferno town? That would never work."
Anchor: "I mean, what good is 3D if all it does is force you to swivel that freakin' camera around continuously just to make sure that glimmer underneath the tree is a gem casket and not just a reflection? What made you feel the fans so desperately wanted another set of controls to manage?"
Raphael: "I think..."
Anchor: "No, you don't. The 3D is superfluous, and the only thing that matters is if the game plays well."
Raphael: "But... it does, doesn't it?"
Anchor: "Er... yes, I suppose."
Raphael: "So... it's ok?"
Anchor: "I guess, but back on track... to the patches. They're huge. I mean, mindbogglingly huge. The sheer size of the patches – I mean, if you've downloaded them all you might as well have downloaded the whole game. And you have to have them all; the earlier versions of the game are just crappy. Yet you release it anyway and fix the problems later."
Raphael: "But it's like that in modern gaming industry."
Anchor: "Right, I just wanted to find something more to criticize you for."
Raphael: "Ah. How about the release party?"
Anchor: "Were you there?"
Raphael: "No, my mum wouldn't let me go."
Anchor: "Because she heard there would be strippers dressed up as succubi?"
Raphael: "No, 'cause I had to clean my room."
Anchor: "...riiiight... tell me, how much would one of those live succubus mistresses set me back?"
Raphael: "Let's just say there's a reason the game wasn't finished on budget."
Anchor: "And I assume also the reason why you couldn't get me a proper present."
Raphael: "... so you didn't like our box?"
Anchor: "Why, oh why, is it that when people bring me stuff they can never bring me some chocolate? Or cash! I'd take cash! Hell, I'd even take caviar – you guys are freakin' Russian!"
Raphael: "I think I have some old rubles here somewhere..."
Anchor: "Get that thing away from me! I'm a member of the independent institution that is the Press! I cannot be bribed! I am objective! I am untouchable! I am... actually very hungry. How 'bout some grub?"
Raphael: "I think our mess is still open. We have lobster."
Anchor: "Excellent."
Studio Commentary: "That's it, boys 'n girls! Happy New Year!"
In War: Resolution, In Defeat: Defiance, In Victory: Magnanimity, In Peace: Goodwill.
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winterfate
- Round Table Hero
- Posts: 6191
- Joined: 26 Nov 2006
- Location: Puerto Rico
OMG, that was hilarious. Good work, Kalah! 
The Round Table's birthday list!
Proud creator of Caladont 2.0!
You need to take the pain, learn from it and get back on that bike... - stefan
Sometimes the hearts most troubled make the sweetest melodies... - winterfate
Proud creator of Caladont 2.0!
You need to take the pain, learn from it and get back on that bike... - stefan
Sometimes the hearts most troubled make the sweetest melodies... - winterfate
-
HodgePodge
- Round Table Knight
- Posts: 3530
- Joined: 06 Jan 2006
Hehe that was goodKalah wrote: Raphael: "Ah. How about the release party?"
Anchor: "Were you there?"
Raphael: "No, my mum wouldn't let me go."
Anchor: "Because she heard there would be strippers dressed up as succubi?"
Raphael: "No, 'cause I had to clean my room."
Anchor: "...riiiight... tell me, how much would one of those live succubus mistresses set me back?"
Raphael: "Let's just say there's a reason the game wasn't finished on budget."
Raphael: "I think I have some old rubles here somewhere..."
Anchor: "Get that thing away from me! I'm a member of the independent institution that is the Press! I cannot be bribed! I am objective! I am untouchable! I am... actually very hungry. How 'bout some grub?"
Raphael: "I think our mess is still open. We have lobster."
Anchor: "Excellent."
I, for one, am dying to find out what colour they paint Michael's toenails.
- Metathron
- Metathron
That, my friend is gold, pure unadulterated gold ....Anchor: "That was my reaction also. Here we have an example of excellent graphics. This Yuna female in particular is the kind of girl you get a hard-on from just by glancing casually in her general direction. Why is it that you couldn't make graphics of this quality for Heroes 5?"
genius RTW K, excellent work leading into the new year!
Human madness is the howl of a child with a shattered heart.
. You are quite evilly brilliant 
We are not worthy! 
Funny stuff man...-
DaemianLucifer
- Round Table Hero
- Posts: 11282
- Joined: 06 Jan 2006
- Location: City 17
Aye, i-ma-gi-na-tion.Ethric wrote: ...oooor a big box, that you could play in.
Good piece of work in there. Haven't seen before.
OH, AND GOOD WEEKEND TO YOU ALL.
Having no home connection won't allow me to chit-chat until Monday.
"There’s nothing to fear but fear itself and maybe some mild to moderate jellification of bones." Cave Johnson, Portal 2. 
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