Last saturday I had my bachelor party. And it was just brilliant. The 2 persons that organized the whole thing did a tremendous job. I will never forget any of it.
I was kidnapped from my home in Utrecht at 10 am by 2 of my friends. We drove to the area I spent most of my youth (Haarlem/Santpoort-Noord) near the west-coast of Holland. There, the other 7 joined the group.
In a pub, the concept of the day was explained to me. In short: We were back in the middle ages. I was but the son of a poor farmer, dreaming of adventures and beautiful women; one fair lady in particular. To compete for her hand I would need to go on a quest to become a knight. I was not alone on this quest though; 9 other wanna-be adventurers would aid me in my quest. Each of them would give me a particular assingment and provide help if needed. These were my quests:
Beggar. Being the son of a poor farmer, I needed money to fund the rest of my adventures. So I was clothed in medieval rags and put on the street to collect money from passers-by while the rest of the group remained in the tavern. When I returned with 4 bronze pieces (20 eurocents in total), the group decided it was but a meagre result. I had to attempt to buy flowers for the woman of my dreams with these coins. Putting on my most charming smile, I succeeded!
Fool. It was clear that begging wasn't getting me much further. So I decided to try my luck as a jester at the court of some king. While we travelled by mechanical horse to a nearby ruin, I was given 4 words (all 's' words in Dutch); special, succes, stink and cute; that I had to use in a funny story about the king's life that would please his court.
I didn't nearly have enough time to think, and came up with a lame story that revolved around an assassin with a real special weapon; a (cute) skunk on a stick. That only yielded a few smiles. The 'crowd' did appreciate my dancing skills though
Herald. With a mechanical amplifying horn; I had to announce my love for the lady Marleen and my plans to marry her.
Stable-keeper. A horse being an important attribute of knights, I had to clean nearby stables and practice my horse-shoe throwing skills.
Squire. With the stables clean, I was to bring in 2 horses that were running around in the meadow. The horses quickly relieved me of the candy I was given to help me and then stayed at a suitable distance...
Magician. To be a knight I would need to be determined and courageous. I had read a secret spell that would give me eternal courage and determination. We walked in the nearby dune-area to find the 7 ingredients needed for that spell. When found, I had to find a clearing, draw a rune in the soil with a stick of hazelwood. A red candle (also found in the dunes: amazing!) was put in the middle of the rune. A pentagram drawn around the rune, the 5 other ingredients placed at it's tips. I was standing in the middle while the rest of the party stood in a big circle around me, holding hands. I lit the candle and recited the spell 3 times, doing a full turn after each time during which the group would repeat the last sentence.
It was a cloudy day, with occasional light snow, but after that 3rd time, a ray of sunlight illuminated the clearing and the candle went out. Truly magical.
Later I learned that the spell and ritual came from my aunt, who is a part-time wich, and that it was a genuine spell.
Monk. A knight has to be schooled in the ways of mind as well, so I needed to show that I was intelligent enough to be a knight. I could finally take off my rags, and was clothed in a monk's habit. On the way back to civilisation (from the dune's area) I had time to come up with the answers to 5 riddles. I got 4 of them and an alternative (but wrong) solution to the 5th.
Farmer. A strange turn of events (due to external reasons), but it was explained that I should never lose track of my origin. Also, this was my last chance to take hold of some women's nipples
Afterwards, we drank the fresh cow-milk.
Cook. The entire group together had to prepare a banquet (in a cooking classroom). I was to supervise everything and make sure I was involved with every part of the preparations.
Nobleman. Because of my failure to solve all 5 riddles, I was given the extra assignment to show of my social skills while we were having dinner. Refill glasses, bring and take plates, etc.
Troubadour. At the start of the (very late) dinner, I was given 9 pieces of paper. Each member of the party had written down 2 made-up sentences. During dinner, I was to compose a passionate love song, using only these 18 sentences. Ofcourse the sentences were all created independantly and were not really connected.
And at the end of dinner, my nephew brought forth his guitar and started playing a medieval tune to support my singing.
Quest complete! Well, not really. I still have to prove that I'm a knight. That I must do in 2 weeks. But I did get a sword! A heavy steel sword that my uncle made in his 'blacksmith'.
After questing was over (around 1 am), we went into the center of Haarlem and ended the night in a pub.
I think I'm more nervous about the bachelor party than the wedding. I know what my groomsmen are capable of doing.