Bizarre News
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DaemianLucifer
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ThunderTitan
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Not exactly bizzare, more like coked-out:
Model hurt as she falls from moving bus in B'klyn
Glamorous model Tatyana Simanava nearly became a tragic fashion victim yesterday - stepping off the runway of a moving bus and tumbling out the door onto the Gowanus Expressway.
The Russian stunner hit the pavement at 40 mph, smashing her arm, dislocating a shoulder, cutting her face and head - but somehow surviving the plunge.
The statuesque blond beauty, who has been featured in ads for Garnier, Longchamp jewelry and David's Bridal, only narrowly missed being hit by traffic or crushed by the bus itself, cops said.
"She's lucky she wasn't killed," said a police source. "She could have easily gotten run over."
The 21-year-old model had been traveling to a Staten Island photo shoot with other members of international agency Next Models, cops said.
She somehow got disoriented after stepping into a passageway outside the bathroom of the luxury bus.
"There was a door leading back inside the bus to her left, and one leading out of the bus to her right," said a traffic cop at the scene.
"I guess she got disoriented."
Disclaimer: May contain sarcasm!
I have never faked a sarcasm in my entire life. - ???
"With ABC deleting dynamite gags from cartoons, do you find that your children are using explosives less frequently?" — Mark LoPresti
Alt-0128: €
I have never faked a sarcasm in my entire life. - ???
"With ABC deleting dynamite gags from cartoons, do you find that your children are using explosives less frequently?" — Mark LoPresti
Alt-0128: €
Our president is at it again.
Olympic 'dudes, dudesses' visit White House
Olympic 'dudes, dudesses' visit White House
About 190 Olympians and Paralympians from the Turin Games gathered on the sunny South Lawn for the traditional post-Olympic visit, where the president offered praise for athletes representing sports both traditional and hip.
"We want to thank all the dudes of dudesses of the snowboarders who are here," Bush said.
After speeches by Bush and speedskater Chris Witty, the president was presented with an Olympic torch and was quickly surrounded by athletes who treated him like a celebrity gold medalist. Bush signed a bobblehead doll, posters, jackets and posed for photos - but somehow seemed not to notice when skier-turned-football-player Jeremy Bloom offered the Philadelphia Eagles jersey signed by McNabb.
So Bloom, who was drafted last month by the Eagles, did the next best thing: He gave the jersey to first lady Laura Bush.
"I was here a week before the draft at the Republican gala, and the president and I were talking about where I was going to go in the draft," Bloom said. "He's a big football fan, so I told him I'd bring him a signed jersey."
Bloom, trying to catch on the with the Eagles as a receiver, got the jersey during last week's minicamp. McNabb had no idea what the jersey was for, but Bloom hopes the quarterback likes the gesture.
"I'm trying to get some extra points," Bloom said with a laugh. "I'm trying to be a politician."
The ceremony wrapped up a three-day visit to the nation's capital for the athletes, who thought they had seen and heard everything possible about their Olympic adventure until Bush came up with "dudesses."
"That's a little different," snowboarder Kelly Clark said. "We don't really use that one too much."
Simmons: I think you’re asking me if these computers store all the data on Red and Blue armies?
Sarge: Control Alt Bingo.
Sarge: Control Alt Bingo.
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DaemianLucifer
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Woman's Toes Licked By Man Hiding Under Car
Police in Tulsa, Okla., are searching for a man who hid under a woman's car at a Wal-Mart parking lot and then licked her toes as she loaded groceries into the vehicle, according to a report.
The woman said she was at the Tulsa Wal-Mart located near 81st Street and Lewis when she felt her toes being licked.
She assumed it was a dog but when she looked down, she saw it was a man lying under her vehicle.
"I felt something lick my foot," the woman said. "I looked at him and I said, 'What in the hell are you doing?' And that's exactly what I said, 'What are you doing?'"
The culprit got up and ran away before police arrived at the scene.
The woman said the man who licked her toes is Hispanic or Indian, about 5-foot-9 and weighs 150 pounds. He was wearing a black t-shirt and blue jeans.
The victim filed a police report and a witness also saw it happen.
A Tulsa County assistant district attorney said if the man is caught, he'll face a misdemeanor charge of battery or outraging public decency.
Simmons: I think you’re asking me if these computers store all the data on Red and Blue armies?
Sarge: Control Alt Bingo.
Sarge: Control Alt Bingo.
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DaemianLucifer
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DaemianLucifer
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Hmmm... Lalalala.... That reminds me of poetry and music. I think I might just have to write a song about this.. Let's see. Yes. yes. Ok, first draft:Kalah wrote:Lalalallallaalaala!!
Lickin' My Toes
By Corribus
I went to the grocery store,
Just the other day,
found me some food,
then I went to pay.
I walked outside,
Carryin' my stuff
It was so damn hot,
Even movin' was tough.
So I rushed to my car
And opened the trunk
Puttin' in my food
and thinkin' of lunch!
Then what do you know,
I feel somethin' cool,
Kinda like water
and kinda like drool.
Refrain:
Lickin' My Toes!
Lickin' My Toes!
Who is a doin' it?
Nobody Knows!
Lickin' My Toes!
Lickin' My toes!
Kind feels good,
Mr., please don't go!
So I jump in the air
So surprised am I,
A man's lickin' my toes!
No, he's not shy.
I slam the trunk,
And cry for aid -
But nobody helps me,
They're all afraid!
So I back away,
but his tongue doesn't stop,
Lickin' my toes
No he won't stop!
I turn around,
Aimin' to run,
But then I remember
That brutal sun!
Refrain:
Lickin' My Toes!
Lickin' My Toes!
Who is a doin' it?
Nobody Knows!
Lickin' My Toes!
Lickin' My toes!
Kind feels good -
Mr., please don't go!
Yeah that sun's pretty hot
And I'm soon reminded,
It's so damn bright
I'm nearly blinded.
So I fall to the ground,
My food goes flyin'
I try to crawl away,
all the while I"m cryin'.
The man he follows
His wet tongue marches.
Slurping and suckin'
And lickin' my arches.
It feels kind of gross,
Cause it's all sloppy and sticky
But at the same time,
It's a little bit tickly!
Refrain:
Lickin' My Toes!
Lickin' My Toes!
Who is a doin' it?
Nobody Knows!
Lickin' My Toes!
Lickin' My toes!
Kind feels good -
Mr., please don't go!
Now at this time
I'm ashamed to admit
I'm kind of likin' this
Just a little bit.
'cause after all,
The day's so hot,
And surpsingly,
His saliva is not.
So I just kind of lay there
No longer fightin'
I mean, I can't get hurt,
Unless he starts bitin'
He stops for a minute
And looks at my face.
I just sort of smile.
Thinkin' "Don't slow the pace!"
Refrain:
Lickin' My Toes!
Lickin' My Toes!
Who is a doin' it?
Nobody Knows!
Lickin' My Toes!
Lickin' My toes!
Kind feels good -
Mr., please don't go!
It was kind of like a bath,
It was kind of like a shower,
I'd let it go on forever,
But sadly at just this hour.
There pulled into the lot,
A black and white,
And out popped a cop
Lookin' for a fight.
"OVER THERE!"
An onlooker pointed,
The slurpin' tongue jerked,
His motion disjointed.
He got up and ran,
The cop gave chase,
And I just sat there
Whispering, "Wait, wait, wait!"
Refrain:
Lickin' My Toes!
Lickin' My Toes!
Who is a doin' it?
Nobody Knows!
Lickin' My Toes!
Lickin' My toes!
Kind feels good -
Mr., please don't go!
He ran as fast as he licked,
So the stranger got away,
The cop came back
Asked me: "Are you ok?"
He offered me a hand,
but I shook my head.
No, I refused it,
Sayin' instead:
"Mr. Policeman,
What have you done?
It's not like that man,
Shot me with a gun!"
"He was coolin' me off,
On this very hot day,
And what did you do:
You scared him away!"
"No you look here,"
I wagged a finger,
"Since that kind man is
gone, you had better linger.
"I'm hot and cranky,"
I growled with a scowl,
"You get down on the ground
AND LICK MY FEET NOW!"
Refrain:
Lickin' My Toes!
Lickin' My Toes!
Who is a doin' it?
Nobody Knows!
Lickin' My Toes!
Lickin' My toes!
Kind feels good -
Mr., please don't go!
CODA
Lickin' My Feet!
Lickin' My Feet!
I don't know who you are
But boy is this a treat!
The End. Now, does that top Flank Steak Poetry, or not?
"What men are poets who can speak of Jupiter if he were like a man, but if he is an immense spinning sphere of methane and ammonia must be silent?" - Richard P. Feynman
Why, thank you. Actually, it's kind of a catchy tune. I'm singing it right now. If I had a mic, I'd record it and upload it for everyone's enjoyment.Kalah wrote:You are a very, very sick man.
Yes, contrats.P.S.: Congrats to Vlad on his 1000th post.
"What men are poets who can speak of Jupiter if he were like a man, but if he is an immense spinning sphere of methane and ammonia must be silent?" - Richard P. Feynman
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Gaidal Cain
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You know, if I hadn't been hardened by playing the Sylvan campaign, I would probably have had to poke my eyes out...
Last edited by Gaidal Cain on 26 May 2006, 19:00, edited 1 time in total.
You don't want to make enemies in Nuclear Engineering. -- T. Pratchett
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DaemianLucifer
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