Quotes and Signatures

[Pol]

Memorize quotes. They're useful in ending and winning arguments. Then again, so are semi-automatic weapons.

~Tony Detharidge

Bless the children, for the national debt is theirs.

~Herbert Hoover

God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!

~Brad K

That female looks capable of passing on my genetic material.

~The Onion

For Sale: One Parachute.
Used Once.
Never Opened.
Slightly Stained.

Warning: keep out of children.

:Korean kitchen knife instructions

Smile, Satan hates you.

Out of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most.

~Ozzy Osbourne

Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame.

~Erica Jong

source: tuvy.com

[Borsuc]

[Asheera]

[Borsuc]

Some lot of random quotes

Does the extinction concept offend you? You are running away from reality and rationality. What difference does it make to you if humankind goes extinct or not? Our own life is limited to a century at best, so the tragedies of 10,000 - 100,000 years from now won't directly impact us.

Heaven has a road, but no one travels it; Hell has no gate but men will dig to get there.

There are two ways to conquer and enslave a nation. One is by sword. The other is by debt.

John Adams (1735-1826)

Faith is an integral element of every realm of our life. Even mathematics has axioms, which you have to assume, to deduce the theorem. Similarly, life becomes more orderly when one accepts the axioms of tradition.

Planning is bringing the future into the present so that you can do something about it now.

If anybody says he can think about quantum problems without getting giddy, that only shows he has not understood the first thing about them.

If quantum theory is correct, it signifies the end of physics as a science

Albert Einstein

I do not like quantum mechanics, and I am sorry I ever had anything to do with it.

Erwin Schrödinger

Doubt is one of the five mental poisons; it keeps you from finding what you seek.

Buddha

Those who have ears, can hear; those who have eyes, can see. But how can you teach the blind to see? That's the rub.

The truth that survives is simply the lie that is pleasantest to believe.

I had a thousand questions to ask God; but when I met him they all fled and didn't seem to matter.

Christopher Morley

Maybe the atheist cannot find God for the same reason a thief cannot find a policeman.

When you learn something, always use the heart.

Jet Li

and this one:

Always remember that others may hate you but those who hate you don't win unless you hate them. And then you destroy yourself.

Richard M. Nixon

[Borsuc]

Oh and this a bit funny one

Don't question God, for He may reply: "If you're so anxious for answers, come up here."

[Old_Man]

I changed my signature just now, so you can add the new one to the list if you want to.

[Asheera]

I make music because I want to not because I have to.

Maybe add a comma before not?

If you don't have fun doing something you love then it's best to move onto something else.

True, but how can you love something and not have fun doing it? I'd get rid of "you love" there

[Old_Man]

Alright, I changed it. Thanks. I was trying to think of two quotes myself (I'm guessing that they have probably been said by someone before) that would represent some things that I believe in.

[Pol]

Alright, I changed it. Thanks. I was trying to think of two quotes myself (I'm guessing that they have probably been said by someone before) that would represent some things that I believe in.

My ears! It's not just the colon, what about times?
(past simple, pre preterit, after terit .. )

I made a music constant of my life.

Inscription on a tombstone:
"I TOLD YOU I WAS SICK"

~Seen in Ashland, New Hampshire

A raccoon tangled with a 23,000 volt line today. The results blacked out 1400 homes and, of course, one raccoon.

~Steel City News

Official Project Stages:

1. Uncritical Acceptance
2. Wild Enthusiasm
3. Dejected Disillusionment
4. Total Confusion
5. Search for the Guilty
6. Punishment of the Innocent
7. Promotion of the Non-participants

The greatest lies of all time:

1. I love you
2. This won't hurt a bit
3. The check is in the mail
4. I was just going to call you
5. I swear I won't come in your mouth
6. Of course I'll respect you in the morning
7. We have a really challenging assignment for you
8. I'm from the government, and I'm here to help you

The most common form of marriage proposal:

"YOU'RE WHAT!?"

When a banker jumps out of a window, jump after him -- that's where the money is.

Robespierre

Ignore alien orders.

Join the Army! Travel to exotic, distant lands. Meet exciting, unusual people, and kill them.

~Classic

The word good has many meanings. For example, if a man were to shoot his grandmother at a range of five hundred yards, I should call him a good shot, but not necessarily a good man

~Chesterton

The quickest way to a man's heart is not through the stomach but through his chest, with an axe.

Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.

My parents put us to sleep by tossing us up in the air. Of course, you have to have low ceilings for this method to work.

FOOT: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

PHILOSOPHY: A study that lets us be unhappy more intelligently.

POVERTY: Having too much month left at the end of the money.

Research shows that nine out of ten men who try Camel... prefer women.

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

source same as above:
tuvy.com

[Asheera]

LOL

I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

Hey! I know this one, I think it was in MightyMage's sig at HC

[Pol]

Hey! That really could be. He was having something along that line for a while.
(But I'm not so frequent on HC to guarantee it for sure)

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie!" ...until you can find a rock.

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

And out of the chaos, a voice spoke:
"Smile and be happy, for it can always be worse".
And I smiled, and I was happy, and it did get worse.

"Does God believe in people?"

"If it moves, fondle it."

When you die you go to heaven. Until then welcome to hell!

:Popular welcoming words in the Swedish army. (~Boden)

"For thousands more years the mighty ships tore across the empty wastes of space and finally dived screaming on to the first planet they came across--which happened to be the Earth -- where due to a terrible miscalculation of scale the entire battle fleet was accidentally swallowed by a small dog"

~Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhiker's
Guide to the Galaxy"

Same source as above and now someone else please, ladies first.

_____________________________________________
Don't Panic. The Earth is just being demolished for a hyperspace bypass.
~The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

[Asheera]

LOL these are just hilarious Pol

Cancer cures smoking.

"The only reason so many people attended his funeral was they wanted to make sure he was dead."

- Samuel Goldwyn on Louis B. Mayer's funera

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

[Pol]

You are your biggest enemy.

Sed quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

Stultitiam simulare loco sapientia summa est

Absens heres non erit

Abyssus abyssum invocat

Accidit in puncto, quod non speratur in anno

Acta est fabula, plaudite

_______________ *
Ad aspera per astra.

[Lord Lakely]

You might very well think that, I could not possibly comment"

[ThunderTitan]

I think that Twilight is the final proof required to absolve the old hypothesis that females mature faster than males. Seriously, you’d have to be an absolute idiot to get carried away with such a tripe piece of literature that you’d believe this dumbass has any actual superpowers or even credibility as a human being. He was chosen for this role because he’s rugged – like Pete Doherty. Kristen was chosen because she’s plain and socially odd, but she’s not important anyway. The character of Bella is essentially an avatar for all prepubescent girls and mentally prepubescent women everywhere; women who want a guy in their lives whose only purpose is to be good looking and resist the overwhelming urge to kill them. God help humanity.

QFGREATJUSTICE!!!!!!

[Kalah]

From "Deadwood":

"Just 'cause I'm lookin' for a bottle I misplaced during my drinkin' days, that doesn't mean that when I find the bottle, I'm gonna f*kin' drink it."
- Calamity Jane

[Asheera]

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Computer funny quotes:

Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

Failure is not an option -- it comes bundled with Windows.

UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

[Pol]

Good ones Ash , we will continue now in our input/output procedure:

Magic [embodies] the concept of lying turned into an art form.
~Teller of Penn & Teller

Girls tend to be beautiful.

"What women do to each other is beyond description. No Chinese torture comes close."
~Tori Amos

Open-minded people must accept the possibility that being closed-minded is better. Close-minded people can take comfort in knowing that they are right.
~Steve W.

I've learned- that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do, is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

Fifty per cent of all marriages end in divorce. But look at the bright side: the other 50 per cent end in death.
~Richard Jeni

Evil spelled backward is live!

(Sorry if anyone of them was mentioned before.)

[Ethric]

"I say to you againe, doe not call up Any that you cannot put downe; by the which I meane, Any that can in turn call up somewhat against you, whereby your powerfullest Devices may not be of use. Ask of the Lesser, lest the Greater shall not wish to answer, and shall commande more than you."

Good advice from Jedediah Orne

[Asheera]

lol Pol nice ones