The Joke Thread

[Kalah]

Yo mama's ass is so big when she sits down, she's three feet taller.

[Asheera]

Ok some recent discussions at HC reminded me of this joke so I decided to post it here as well


Baxter Conners
Vice President
Company 203
203 Wall St.
New York, NY 10015

Dear Mr. Conners,

Thank you for your letter of February 17th. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your bank.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Company 203's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore I will initiate employment with your firm immediately following graduation. I look forward to seeing you then.

Sincerely,
XXXXXXXX

[Pol]

(Yes I can assure you, I'm mature.)

[Kareeah Indaga]

I've seen that before, but it's still funny.

Unless you're in that position. Then it's not.

[Asheera]

Unless you're in that position. Then it's not.

Well of course a lot of jokes are not funny if you're the 'victim'.

[Kalah]

There's a comical panel show making fun of the latest week's news stories here... there was a joke about the traffic chaos created as the first snow fell; I'll translate it here:

"This week, unidentified white flakes fell from the sky. They covered every surface, making roads and pavements slippery. The government has issued a statement saying they don't know where the flakes come from, but denied it was a matter of a terrorist action."

"There's a new development in the matter of the white particles that fell from the sky recently. Apparently, after they fell, they attacked cars, buses and bicycles. The authorities are now trying to contact the leader of the small, white attackers."

[Milla aka. the Slayer]

Bwahahahahahahaaaa

[Asheera]

ROFL

[Kalah]

On a group of wonderful uninhabited islands in the Pacific ocean, the following people are stranded as a result of a shipwreck:


2 Italian men and 1 Italiensk woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
2 Norwegian men and 1 Norwegian woman

One month later, the situation is as follows:

One of the Italian men has murdered the other in order to have the woman to himself.

The two French men and the French woman live happily together in a threesome.

The two German men have worked out a precise weekly schedule for alternating visits to the German woman.

The two Greek men sleep with each other, and the Greek woman cooks and cleans for them.

The two English men are still waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.

The two Bulgarian men first stared on the endless ocean, then stared at the Bulgarian woman... and then they started swimming.

The two Japanese men have faxed a situation report to Tokyo and are awaiting instructions.

The two Chinese men have opened a 24-hr kiosk, a restaurant and a cleaners, and they have made the Chinese woman pregnant in order to acquire a workforce for their business.

The two Irish men have divided their little island in a northern and a southern section, and have started a distilliery. They can't remember if they have had sex with the Irish woman, because it all went a bit hazy after the first few gallons of coconut-whisky finished. They are generally happy, because at least the English aren't doing too well.

The two Norwegian men are seriously contemplating collective suicide, because the Norwegian woman is constantly complaining about her figure; pondering the true nature of feminism; explaining why she can do all the things they like - just not right now; points to the necessity of being valued and the importance of an equal distribution of the chores; complaining how her previous boyfriend respected her opinions and treated her better than they do; explaining how her relationship with her mother is improving... The only encouragement for the two Norwegian men is that taxes are lower, and the weather is better than it is at home.

[Asheera]

Hehe, I remember this one, I think it was posted somewhere in this thread before

(if not then somewhere at HC for sure)

[ScarlettP]

An Irish man is at the bar, the barkeep tells him that it is time to close up so the man stands up to leave then suddenly falls. Oh my he says i must of had way to much to drink. So he crawls home and sneaks into bed hoping his wife wont hear. The next morning when he wakes up his wife is cooking, and the man thinks "WooT! Got out of one with the wife last night" She walks into the room "The bar keep called. You forgot your wheelchair last night.

[ScarlettP]

A Guy walks into a bar with an octopus. He sits the octopus on a stool and announces that this is a very talented octopus, which can play any musical instrument in the world.

Everyone laughs at the man, calling him an idiot. So he says that he'll wager £50 to anyone who has an instrument that the octopus can’t play.
A guy walks up with a guitar and puts it beside the octopus. Immediately the octopus picks up the guitar and starts playing better than Eric Clapton. The guitar man pays up his £50.

Another guy comes up with a trumpet. This time the octopus plays like Miles Davis. This guy pays his £50.

Then a Scotsman hands over a set of bagpipes. The octopus fumbles with it for a minute and then sits down with a confused look. "Ha," the Scot says. "Can ye no play it?" The Octopus looks at him and says: "Play it? I’m going to make love to it as soon as I figure out how to get these pajamas off..."

[ThunderTitan]

Man frees a genie from a bottle, and of course the grateful genie says he'll grant him 1 wish.

The man wishes for world peace.

"Ok, i'm magic, but couldn't you wish for something less hard?!"

The man ponders for a while then says: " I want to understand women!"

The genie looks at him, blinks a few times, then asks: "Define Peace!"

[Asheera]

I heard this one in a different version though

[Lord Lakely]

Hehe, I remember this one, I think it was posted somewhere in this thread before

(if not then somewhere at HC for sure)

by me

[Asheera]

Yep I remember that. I also remember you posted it first at HC in an "humor" thread and only later in the Joke thread.

I have a sharp memory

[PhoenixReborn]

Who is Pernille? A blonde?

[Lord Lakely]

I have a sharp memory

So have I

[Milla aka. the Slayer]

Who is Pernille? A blonde?

Pernille? My friend's name is Pernille. She's a blonde. She's the one currently residing in the dream girls thread. Is it her you're referring to?

[Kalah]

I meant to ask you, is she a genuine blonde? There are too many fakes around...